My day.

A couple of days ago I made a chuck Norris parody and I was going to upload it to YouTube, but just as I was about to upload it chuck Norris kicked down my door and delivered me a major beat down via a round house kick to the face, I died, and was reincarnated in the past as my own pet gerbil, over months of intensive memory therapy I
was able to recall the happenings of my previous life and through intensive training I was able to tone my gerbil voice box so I was able to master the English language, I was then able to warn my past self about the fatal events that would befall me if I made the chuck Norris video and was able to put a stop to my own horrible demise, of course because my gerbil self managed to stop my human self from creating the chuck Norris video my gerbil self therefore stopped his own creation by reincarnation, this created a time paradox which would have destroyed 2 thirds of the universe except for the fact that I was able to catch the paradox in a jar and save the universe. The paradox now lives in a jar on my shelf and will stay there for evermore, unless somebody pisses me off really badly, and I feel the need to release it and let it reek vengeance on an unsuspecting world.

Of course apart form the paradox in a jar, I have no evidence of this horrible fate that nearly destroyed 2 thirds of the universe, The only proof I have is what has been told to me by my hamster, so it could all be a lie fed to me by the hamster in a elaborate plot to make himself feel more important, this seems unlikely, although he has proved to be quite devious and selfish on occasion.